CHAPTER SEVEN

The concept that human love is not the ultimate basis for marriage can be seen by studying the details of the first marriage. For instance, we only assume that Adam and Eve loved each other. I doubt not that they did, but the Bible does not say that they did. They were married without any courtship, engagement, or other traditions that have come along since. God introduced Eve to Adam, and immediately there was a marriage.

Therefore, the will of God was the ultimate basis for their marriage. I am talking about Marriage being God's will for humanity, not whether two people are suited to each other. That is beyond the intent of this book.

I don't mean that we must have a direct indication from God that we should marry anyone. He may do that, but He usually doesn't. The Scripture lists few instances of God choosing a person's spouse for them. The New testament indicates that the choice of a spouse is our personal choice, the only exception being that a believer should marry a believer.

What I am saying is that our agreements, or disagreements, our affections, or lack thereof, social and educational status, or the intensity of our affections are not what constitutes marriage. When we COMMIT ourselves to each other, and COVENANT BEFORE GOD to live in holy wedlock, God joins us together, and THEN we consummate our wedding by the sex act. THAT is Biblical Marriage. All three of these elements appear in Adam and Eve's wedding. Genesis 2:22-25; Genesis 4:1.

Assuredly, love is the best environment and benefit of wedlock. I know of no one who would choose to live with someone that they did not love, if they could avoid it. I am laboring this point, because western society has made marriage dependent on emotion, so much that many couples divorce if they no longer sense love in their marriage. Or else they seek solace with someone other than their spouse. Lack of emotion is not Biblical grounds for adultery or divorce!

The marriage of believers should be vastly different from that of unbelievers. The reason is that believers can learn to 'operate' in a realm that unbelievers do not know. Viz, the realm of Biblical faith.

Both the Old and the New testaments state that the Just shall live by faith. Habbakuk 2:4; Romans 1:17; Galatians 3:11. Believers who are following Jesus know that we are to live by faith, not by sight.

Such Godly living is what sets the marriages of believers and unbelievers apart. We are to live by what we believe more than by what we feel. We are to bring our feelings into line with what God's Word says; making His Word our reference, rather than our feelings.

It is true that human emotion has funded many good marriages among believers and unbelievers alike. But in our society in these times, human emotion is failing to sustain marriages at an alarming rate. One out of two marriages end in divorce! That includes marriages that began with good intentions and strong human love.

Grievously, many born again believers are faced with divorce. True disciples of Jesus Christ should hold a sacred respect for His teachings. He taught that it is not God's will for man and wife to divorce. Still, some believers are forced into a divorce not of their choosing. Though God says that He hates putting away (divorce) Malachi 2:16, He is merciful to those compelled by an unbelieving spouse into divorce. Howbeit, if every born again believer would deal with their emotions on the basis of what God said, many such divorces could be avoided.

Believers must guard against a worldly attitude caused by an undue influence of secular Psychology. The Word of God MUST have precedence over secular Psychology in the life of every believer. When Psychology conflicts with the Word of God, it is ALWAYS WRONG!

Some people seem to think that we must always have a perceived, fervent, romantic love for our spouse. If we do, well and good. But simply because one does not feel love does not mean that it's o.k. to divorce. Some people think of incompatibility as grounds for divorce, i.e., for lack of desired responses in each spouse, there is no longer a basis for that marriage. The Court's amoral regard for Marriage cannot make incompatibility grounds for divorce in Gods sight.

The Lord Jesus completely ignored such ideas when He said: "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Believers must decide who is going to dictate their behavior. The human legal system, or the Word of God? Legal decree cannot negate God's Word.

Other people say: "We've just drifted apart, and no longer have the interest we once had in each other." Again, that is not reason to divorce. Sex sin is the only grounds for divorce, according to Jesus Christ. If you have drifted apart, just drift back together again! It can be done by acting upon the Word of God.

The Lord Jesus bade us deny ourselves: that includes dealing with sexual lust. It includes not seeking an excuse for divorce. We are to live in harmony with our spouse. The wife is to submit to her husband. The husband is to love his wife. If we live according to the New Testament, we shall have the means to deal with problems without turning to divorce. And we can develop or maintain true, satisfying love for our spouse.

Commonly, divorce causes more problems than it solves. But living according to the New testament not only can resolve problems, it can give us abundant life and the blessings of God.

To live with a spouse for 50-75 years with no times of stress may not be easy to do. But in spite of difficulties, we can remain married 'til death do us part.' Remember your wedding vows?

Now let us turn to the issue of a marriage in which there seems to be no love. Surely, it would be difficult to live in such an empty union. If we learn to live by faith, God's Word can provide the means to effectively deal with such a case.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds." (2 Corinthians 10:4). In order to live as a New Testament believer, we must learn how to use the weapons that God has made available to us.

One of those weapons is the ability to cast down imaginations, see 2 Corinthians 10:5. For one thing, it is a vain imagination to suppose that it's God's will to divorce simply because one feels no emotion for their spouse.

Remember that before marriage, there was something about your spouse that attracted you. In many cases, there is no lack of effort to gain the approval of an intended spouse. Such effort after the ceremony would 'fix' a lot of marriages. Do what's necessary to gain their approval AFTER the wedding ceremony!

The Bible strongly bids husbands to love their wives. It doesn't ask him to feel emotion first, it just says DO it! It doesn't say if she DESERVES it, or if she is ATTRACTIVE, it just says DO it! That is God's Word. For believers THAT fact alone should be the reason to do it.

"Well," one might ask, "must I do without love for the rest of my life?" The answer is NO. Notice Romans 5:5: "...because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

We can ask the Lord to revive or instill love for our spouse. Too often the lack of love stems from unresolved conflict. Biblical forgiveness will often resolve the issue, and permit true love to flourish again. Beware that a desire to have another wife or husband doesn't cause love for your spouse to fail. Deep heart searching while in prayer can help identify such problems.

Christians often quote among themselves: "We don't live by sight. We can't depend on our feelings as the basis of whether we are saved or not." Our salvation is by trusting in the Lord and in His written Word.

QUESTION: May we not use the same facts regarding our feelings for our spouse, other Christians, and for people in general? Somehow, when it comes to very deep personal issues, we seem to think that our emotions and sincerity guarantees their effect. If we don't perceive these things, we assume they are not present. We ought not to assume grounds for divorce simply because of lagging responses to or from our spouse.

We should believe what God's Word says about marriage, and yield ourselves to it without reserve. Through believing the Word of God, we can gain His help when dealing with any case or problem. Of course such a commitment has its best result if both spouses have the same commitment to Christ.

Now notice 1 Corinthians 7:13-16. "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband."

Verse 15: "But and if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."

In the above verses, the word "depart" means to divorce. The Word of God says that if an unbelieving spouse departs (divorces) the remaining spouse is not under bondage (the marriage bond) in such cases. Why not?! Because the departing one assumes the role of the unbeliever, even if they continue to profess faith in Christ. They are ACTING in the role of the unbeliever!

God has never given to any person the 'right' to dominate another human soul. Therefore, one CANNOT make their spouse do what is right, even with New Testament faith. Let them depart. If you wish, pray for restoration and repentance on the part of the unbeliever. But the remaining believer is not under bondage. That is 'Gospel' according to the Apostle Paul.

Divorce and remarriage are so common today, that many people don't seem to reverence the sacred Institution. Howbeit, it is still a sin to commit adultery. It's a sin to commit fornication. It's a sin to cohabit with 'live in' sex partners. Notice the warning in Hebrews 13:4: "Whoremongers and adulterers will God judge."

Such sins are so repulsive to God that He calls them abominable. He utterly detests them. People of any disposition towards God will incur the Divine penalty for such sins.

Notice the warning in Revelation 21:8: "But the fearful, and the unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

Whatever one's idea about eternal salvation, to have a part in the Lake of Fire does NOT mean that one is going to heaven! Therefore, in the fear of God, believers ought to beware of a worldly attitude about marriage and divorce. As children of God by faith, our life style ought to be very different from that of the unbelieving world around us.

Our methods of dealing with marital problems ought to be very different from those of the unbelievers. If we center our life on the Word of God, it's power will work for our good in all things. The Word of God will give us abilities and access to things that unbelievers do not have. According to the Scripture we are wise to fear God: to depart from evil is understanding.

We need to learn to use our faith as the Bible tells us to. E.g., Romans 4:17 states that God calls those things that be not as though they were. Ephesians 5:1 shows that it's proper for God's children to do the same!

We know that we are born again, even in times when we may not feel so spiritual. Thank God, He has said that He will never leave us, or forsake us. It is a great comfort to have that fact ingrained in our conscience. He will help us! He will help us with our marriage, and with everything else that we believe Him for.

Let us trust in the Lord for the benefits and blessings of Acts 16:31. "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house."

In Mark 11:23, the Lord Jesus said if we say with our mouth, and doubt not in our heart, but shall believe that what we say shall come to pass, we shall have whatsoever we say.

Therefore, learn to say with your mouth, believing in your heart: "My house shall not fall: it's built upon the Rock. I am a doer of God's Word."

As we have noted, God's Presence in marriages which are made and lived according to His Word. His Presence fills all of heaven and earth, yet multitudes are completely unaware of how close His is to us. We need to become sensitive to God's Presence. Notice Acts 17:28: "For in Him we live, and move, and have our being."

How can we become aware of Him? How can we interact with a person we cannot see? We can do it through faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus is so identical with God the Father, that He said: "He that hath seen Me, hath seen the Father." John 14:9. When we believe on Jesus Christ, we are in reality believing in God the Father. We please God the Father by following Jesus Christ.

1 John 5:10 tells us that everyone that believes on Jesus Christ has the witness in himself. We can perceive the Presence of God by that witness. He dwells in us by the Holy Spirit. We can become sensitive to Him. Not only to know that we are saved, but also to know the Personal activity of God within us. We can KNOW by that witness.

In addition to that, if we are saved, the written Word of God promises that He will never leave us. Therefore, in two ways, we can realize God's Presence with us. First, by the written Word. Second, by that inward witness. We can live in conscious awareness of God's Presence. this is in addition to the general presence of God, such as is in the universe, and also in our marriage. Knowing that God is with us is a powerful comfort and assurance to us.

Married people have a deep, inner awareness that they are married. We can develop that awareness until we are a ware of the presence of our spouse, even if we are miles apart. During military service, I was across the ocean. That distance didn't diminish my consciousness of my wife.

Though we couldn't talk to each other, she was just as dear to me as if I had been by her side. I was just as true to her, as if she had been by my side. I sorely missed her, but because she believes in Jesus Christ, I knew that I could trust her.

Knowing my responsibility to God and to my wife kept me in line. I didn't play with temptation, lest I wreck what is dear to me. God's Presence is dear to me. My wife is dear to me. These are treasures that God has given me. To defile them would be profane. The Bible describes the character of a man named Esau like that. Hebrews 12:16-17.

Esau seemed to be dominated by what he wanted "at the moment". When he was hungry, sacred things didn't mean much to him. A bowl of pottage was more urgent to him at the time than a promise blessing in the future.

Just so, sinful gratification is more important to the adulterer than the blessing of God, or the welfare of his wife! Profane! He shall not inherit the Kingdom of God; he gambles it for a momentary sensation! Profane!

Awareness of our spouse at all times, can be such a blessing! What comfort, strength, and assurance flows out of the Marriage Bond. It affects me, it affects my wife. It affects our children and grandchildren. It affects my house!

I know that there are many of God's blessings in my marriage. For over forty seven years our marriage has been based upon the Word of God. Praise God, it has always sustained us.

Also, I have a measure of God's grace upon my life that goes beyond marriage. I am redeemed. I know it. God's Presence is with me ALL the time. I know it. God's blessings 'move' things in life for me. I know it, praise God.

Adulterers and fornicators know no such comfort. It is not present with them. Those who are married but commit adultery do not have such intimacy with their spouses. (There may be a modicum of closeness, but not the intimacy I am talking about.) It can't be had with a secret sin in the heart. In addition, there is a deep awareness of being personally WRONG before God! Such people do not know the restful peace that comes from being right with God.

The grace of God in the forgiveness of our sins can fix a guilty conscience! Hebrews 8:12: "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." We must repent and ask God for it.

If we want God's blessings in this life, and in the world to come, we can freely receive them. Jesus said: "He that comes to Me, I will in no wise cast out." John 6:37. Yes, the worst of sins can be forgiven. Come to Jesus!

If you want to know and be sure that you born again, you can be sure by doing exactly what Romans 10:9 says: "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

Simply say with your mouth, believing in your heart that God has raised Jesus Christ from the dead; "I confess with my mouth that Jesus Christ IS my Lord: I believe in my heart that God has raised Him from the dead. Now, Oh, God, since you can't lie, and I have done what you said in Your Word, I believe that I am saved. Thank you, Heavenly Father for saving me. Amen."

If you sincerely did that, you ARE saved (born again) right now according to God's Word! Praise God. God bless you. Now commit yourself to follow Jesus every day, by doing what His Word teaches about living for Him. Read your Bible every day, and pray (talk) to the Lord every day. Be thankful to Him, and tell Him so! Ask Him to help you develop a Godly marriage, if you are already married. If you are not yet married, then begin now to ask Him to help you choose the spouse that will be a blessing to you by His grace. Amen.

Published at Colorado Springs, Colorado
May, 2001